I dated this gorgeous person named Taylor this past year. I had a crush on Taylor when we were on a co-ed soccer team like ten years ago. Anyway, while I kinda stayed in the middle of the social status ladder, Taylor kepy climbing and climbing and had become very popular. So that's partly why I was so excited Taylor asked me out. Not only was Taylor overly attractive, funny, and nice, but a POPULAR kid wanted to date me! I was so ecstatic. All my friends were very supportive and enthusiastic, and shared my excitement. One friend warned me that Taylor was a partier and when intoxicated became loose. I assumed that was only because of the lack of real relationships Taylor had had the past year. Long story short, I was cheated on. More than once. The last time, though, was Halloween night. I couldn't go out because I had One-Act competition the next day bright and early. So I asked Taylor to behave. Taking my 'tone' in the wrong way (it was over text), Taylor decided I was being unsensitive, and that if I didn't care about how Taylor felt, Taylor wouldn't care how I felt. So you know what happened? Taylor fooled around with a BEST FRIEND. Not MY best friend, that God. That would've made it twice as hard to get over. But just the fact that they had always been so close, and I had no idea that would or COULD ever happen...I remember really wanting to know Gray (that's BFF's name) because it seemed to me like Gray would be the easiest and most fun to become friends with. However, Gray didn't want to get to know me. I didn't know if it was because of feelings between Taylor and Gray that might have made Gray uncomfortable, but whatever it was, I was just not an option for a friend for Gray. It just now hit me how unfortunate it is that things happened like that. I know Gray and I are so alike, and we could be really good friends. But it was something silly that kept Gray from wanting to be my friend. What did I lose from not using the opportunity to gain a friend? What did GRAY lose?

First of all, there's no reason to cry about the painfully stressful year you're headed towards. So you're a senior taking two AP classes, you're president of the Drama Club, an officer in Thespian Troupe, and a no-doubt candidate for a very difficult part in the One Act that you can't help but want. So you've looked at a lot of colleges, and the ones that suit you best are out-of-state, or private, or just really damn expensive and you're not positive you'll get the HOPE Scholarship because you need at least a .20 point increase in your GPA and aren't sure if you can handle all the responsibility you have this year. So, so, so WHAT? Thinking positive is a great way to channel all your energy into GOOD energy, which will undoubtedly help you succeed in this quite demanding year. If you think positive, you WILL get into that ivy league college, with a full-ride scholarship. Yeah! Don't take school TOO seriously, or you'll *possibly* enter freshman year of *community* college with a full head of gray hair. Following these steps is the fool-proof way to get what you want out of a college, completely stress-free.

Step One: Evaluate yourself.

Find unique talents you have, although arguably nobody has a unique talent because there's always someone who does the same thing, maybe even better than you. But don't let that get you down (remember the talk we just had about thinking positive!). Figure out what you do and don't want. So you want a small college? Close to home? With a tuition that doesn't clean you dry? HA! Good luck with that one. But really, I wouldn't hope for so much. Maybe you'll get a two-out-of-three deal on this one, so choose wisely which two you want. Make notes about how you work best. With a group? Alone? Being the leader, or being led? Like a dog? On a leash(get used to it)?

Step Two: Research Colleges and Universities.

Yes, Step two takes us all the way to looking at and taking notes on your favorite schools. Many people find helpful, free surveys and quizzes online that match you to a perfect school! Many MORE people find that these free surveys and quizzes are simply frustrating, because the perfect schools are out of reach for those without a never-tiring checkbook. Anyways, don't get discouraged, because, as The Guy Who Invented The Lightbulb once said, "You win when you fail!". I mean, look at him. He went through at least a thousand different prototypes before he got rich and famous. MORAL: You should have invented the lightbulb.

Step Three: Refining Your GPA

Every school has a minimum required GPA for admission. GPA stands for Grade Point Average, and is the average score of your core grades at the end of every semester for your whole high school career. So basically, even though you MUST pass classes like health, technology, and art, etc., etc., those good grades will never see the light of GPA-based day. Now that you've found the ideal college for yourself, you can tweak and polish that little gem of yours. If your GPA isn't high enough, remember you still have one whole year to bring it up. If that will be impossible, take too many AP classes. They give you college credit(if you pass), and although they are considerably more challenging, they count more than a regular class. That's right, if you've been a poor student, just load up on these classes and you're home free. You'll be glad you did.

Step Four: Build and Send an Application

Now that you're confident with your GPA and school choice(s), it's time to APPLY!! If you have more than one choice, make sure that you aren't going over-budget with the applications. 'What's that? Over-budget? Whatever could you mean, Robert?'. Yeah, I know. Every applicant has to pay to send in an application, because the admissions office usually employs THEIVES. The fee can be anywhere from $36 to $150, so send in your applications wisely. Do most of the cheaper schools first, or just the schools you KNOW you want. ALWAYS HAVE A FALLBACK SCHOOL. Being accepted into the right school is never guaranteed, so it's good to apply to a kind of Everybody's School, just in case. Yep. Even though you've gone through all these steps, you might still be rejected from Davidson or Brown or wherever the hell you want to go.

Step Five: Taking Rejection

You will get rejected from some schools. It's a fact of life. Actually, you might think I'm kidding, but it's written in the oldest manuscript of the Old Testament that God once used those very words. It was mistranslated, though, and people just can't accept it now that they've gotten used to the wrong version. Silly public. Anyways, treat it like a breakup. Cry a little, write in your diary, and then pretend like you were just using the college and never really wanted to be with the college in the first place, and you're just glad the college broke it off first so you wouldn't have to hurt the college's feelings. Way to go!

Step Six: Rubbing Acception Into Your Friend's Faces

This step doesn't count if you didn't get into a better school than they did. But yeah, be subtly aggressive about it. Bring it up all the time, and laugh like you always knew you'd be accepted and pretend that it's a kind of joke you even had to apply. Very good.